When you think of the beach...what comes to mind? The whistling of the breeze, the burning of your feet on the sand, the chilled feeling you get when you jump into the clear blue water. I just love the feeling of "the beach". If i could go every day i most definatly would! It's one of my favorite things to do and in addition to that my favorite sport is paddling which is a water sport. One of the most memorable beaches for me is Ala Moana Beach. It's just so sentimental to me.
The moment i step a foot on that beach, i suddenly have a flashback attack! Memories of family get togethers, holiday celebrations, or just a day at the beach with some friends, pop up in my mind. It literally smacks a smile onto my face and the feeling I get.... HAHA PRICELESS! I remember as a child my family and I would gather at Ala Moana beach every year for Easter. The adults would hide the color splashing eggs that we had made the night before while the kids impatiently waited to look for them. As soon as all the eggs were hidden, us kids dramatically charged for anything colorful and oval shaped that was in sight. These sentimental moments is what makes this beach so speical to me.
Two years ago i started paddling for the first time. My friends from school had introduced me to it and i have been doing it ever since. We used to practice at magic island which is right next to Ala Moana beach. I remember the first day I went to practice, I didn't know what to expect. As my coach happily came up and greeted me with his warm smile and dimples. I noticed that he was a bit old but very experienced within this sport. I was confident in him that he would teach me the right techniques. As i took my first stroke with my wooden paddle into the water, I felt as weak as a twig! but as the months passed by I realized how much stronger i had got and pride came with it!
The beach is a place i love to go to when I need time to think. When i look out to the water and i place my feet in the sand, I go into a mode of silence. The flow of the waves make me feel calm; so does the view. Being at the beach gives me an oppourtunity to just be myself and forget all negativity going on in my life. It puts my feelings on a whole new level.
Some people may not understand the way I am but no one knows me more than myself. I can be a very deep person along with emotional. The beach keeps me calm and gives me some space away from the "worl" and it turns into a place where I can get to know myself a little bit better and figure out my true feelings about certain situations.
Zach here -
ReplyDeleteThis is an Awesome Essay Draft so far! I can clearly put myself into the scene and step on the beach- The sensory and details are good, and imagery is great too! Keep up the good work!
Z117
Zach
Hey Tati (:
ReplyDeleteDid a really really good job (:
I loved how you described your coach's dimples. Images of that beach pop up in my head :D , excellent work (:
Love, Courtney
Hi Tati,
ReplyDeleteFirst a note to Zach and Courtney: your commentary needs to be much more specific and detailed. If they are mostly positive, they still need to be specific...the purpose of these comments is twofold...to show your teammates what they have done right and what they have done wrong and to demonstrate to me that you understand six trait writing and the specific assignment.
Okay...now to the paper. Nice job Tati, of providing both narration and description about your special place. Through your use of past and present details, you show how your querencia has been with you through much of your life.
What I recommend for the revision is that you include more specifics about the problems you face, problems for which you gain comfort from your querencia.
Let me know if you have questions.
mrs s